Confession
by BettingonAlice
Summary: This was written for a friend for her birthday, which was a few days before Eclipse came out, my own funny version of the Eclipe's first chapter- Edward has a secret that could threaten to ruin everything Bealla has ever known


1

1. CONFESSION

I sat up straight in my bed, drenched in sweat. Another dream of my last encounter with Jacob had awoken me once more. I missed him very much, and yet I couldn't be sad that Edward had come back into my life. Sometimes I don't know what I would do with him. He is the purpose of my very existence, literally, seeing as without him I would have been dead long ago. Regardless, the ultimatum that Jacob had given me was rather unfair. Why did it have to be werewolf or vampire, Jacob or Edward, friend or lover? They were both important in my life and it saddened me that once graduation came, and I was part of the Cullen family I must sever all ties with the Black clan. Upon thinking about my transformation to a vampire my stomach jumped into my throat. I was having such mixed feelings about this, and as much as I wanted this I was very much afraid that once I was part of Edwards family, the mystery that he loved about me would be gone and he would leave me again. Who was I kidding? Edward would never leave me again. He loves me too much. Reluctantly I got out of bed and got dressed for work at Newton's Outfitters.

"Where are you going?" Charlie called, as I was about to walk out the door.

"It's Sunday, I have work, you know that," I replied.

"Well come straight home afterwards, your still grounded for that disappearing act you pulled a few weeks ago. Not to mention the motorcycle ordeal. Thank God Jacob had enough sense to tell me what you were up to."

"Yea, good thing," I grumbled, feeling the burn of Jacob's betrayal in the pit of my stomach. As I walked out of my car I noticed a tall figure leaning against the hood of my pickup and instantly I felt better. Even though we have been together for a long time I lose my breath every time I catch sigh of him. I know if he ever left me again I would surely die.

"Edward!" I said running toward him and throwing my arms around his neck. He smiled gently but reach up behind his neck to untangle my embrace and I was confused. Why had he not kissed me as he normally did? I stepped back and looked at his glorious face and automatically I knew something was wrong.

"Bella, I need to tell you something," he said in his musical voice.

"What is it?" I asked reluctantly.

"I'm…I'm…. I'm not really a vampire," he said, " I'm surprised I kept the charade this long."

" But, but, but" I stammered.

"Yea, chicks dig the whole 'I'm a vampire and I thirst for your blood' thing," he said, although his lips were pursed together. I said nothing, so he continued. " When I told my family about my joke, they were like 'no way, she'll figure it out, no one would believe that', but uh, you proved them wrong."

"But I saw you! I saw you gleam in the sun!" I said hysterically.

"Yea…that was body glitter," he said coolly as he brushed a speck of lint of his black cable knit sweater. Even as he was telling me this, I couldn't help noticing that he looked like a supermodel.

"Then how come your family has so much money?" I challenged.

"Yea…my dad is a doctor, he invented some surgery scalpel." It was then that meaning of his words began to sink in and I began to think he was actually being serious.  
"Edward. I. Don't. Understand," I said each word individually as if to make my point that I indeed did not understand the words he was saying.

He rolled his eyes and brushed his hands through his bronze hair, "I always knew you were a little slow. I was kidding. Okay? Bye," he said. My heart began to race and I slumped down on the ground, placing my head between my knees. I breathed heavily I couldn't believe his words, he was leaving me…. again!

"Why are you sitting on the floor?" he asked.

"No, no Edward, just wait, this works," I said. He snorted and suddenly I understood was he was doing. I jumped up, "Edward! You're lying! You're lying again. This is just like last time you left, because you think I'm in danger…. and my soul!"

"No, seriously Bella, I'm not a vampire. Last time I met some chick in Alaska…she was hot."

"What?!'" I exclaimed. After all that pain I felt last year, he was hooking up with some other girl!

"Bella, you are so dumb. I'm seriously leaving. There's no such thing as vampires," he said. Suddenly something dawned on me.

"Then how come Jacob is a werewolf?" I asked, remembering my confused thoughts from earlier this morning.

"He's not. We've been best friends since like, 4th grade. We actually had a bet to see who could bang you first." I said nothing but stared at him in silence, "So I'd really like to win that bet."  
"Fine Edward, if your not a vampire, then what were you doing when you missed all those days of school," I said.

"HAHA, Emmett and I were getting high off our asses!" he laughed as if enjoying some private joke.

"Charlie will kill you!" I threatened. Edward turned to look at my house, where Charlie was no doubt still reading the newspaper.

"Yea, actually he was in on this too," Edward said. That's when the real pain began to sink in.

"No! I don't believe you! I'm so depressed! I'm going to the Vulturi!" I screamed. He sighed and looked at his watch as if he were late from some other appointment.

"Bella, I made that shit up, no one is going to kill you. It. Was. A. Joke." I stared at my once immortal god with eyes wide and mouth open. I couldn't believe the words he spoke. It was all a lie, everything he'd ever said was a complete fabrication of what he knew I wanted to hear. And yet, I still could not hate him, for his beauty was still undeniable, and perhaps I could still gain something from him, or more like lose something.

"Well Edward, you ARE pretty hot…wanna win 20 bucks from Jacob. If you catch my drift," I said as I attempted to batter my eyes at him. His head lurched forward, as if he were trying to hold in projectile vomit. After a few moments he swallowed and said, " Listen, about that Bella, your not THAT hot. I've actually been bang-a-langing Rosalie."

"Edward, she's your sister, and she's with Emmett," I said.

"Emmett joins us…if you know what I mean," he said with a wicked wink.

"Edward you are sick!" I exclaimed.

"I TOLD you I was a sick, masochistic lion. Roar baby, roar!" He sucked in his breath and gave a very lifelike roar, that of a lion.

"Edward, I don't even know you anymore…do you even like Debussy?!" I asked. He laughed.

"Actually no, that shit sucks, I like rap. You know how it goes Bella, I'm ghetto fabulous!" I could feel the look of disgust crawl on my face.

" Edward, you can't be serious."

"You're right. I actually am a vampire," and his tone seemed serious enough.

"Seriously?!" I said with relief, " Thank God, you really had me going!"

"NO! I'm not a vampire! Wow, you fell for it….AGAIN!" He threw his head back and bellowed.

"Edward, stop jerking me around. Listen, I told you, it doesn't matter to me what you are." I pleaded.

"Good, because I'm actually a sadistic pedophile," he said stepping closer to me.

"WHAT?!" I screamed.

"Yea, I like little children," he said. And that's when I decided I would not subject myself to this anymore.

"Dude Edward, screw this. I'm calling Mike."


End file.
